The struggle continues. Any of you who follow my blogs may wonder what has happened to me, why I haven’t posted on here in quite some time. I almost wish there were some other reason, but the truth is that I’m still struggling. I keep hoping that at some point maintaining a good walk with God will become easier; that at some point, it will become a good habit. However, I’m realizing that will never be the case. Maintaining a righteous lifestyle and a healthy relationship with God is always going to be work. There are too many distractions and temptations in the world.
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” – 1 Peter 5:8-9
That verse in the King James translation uses the word vigilant in place of alert. Merriam-Webster defines vigilant as “alertly watchful, especially to avoid danger.” I think that summarizes it quite well. There are so many things in this world that can knock us off the path of righteousness, and while many of them are obvious, some are not. I have a problem with distractions. In a busy world, there are so many demands on my time. Family, work, friends, God, our house. Somewhere in there I like some time for myself as well, but I easily become unbalanced, spending too much time on the wrong things. That’s not to say those things are not important. In fact, their importance is what makes them such effective distractions. I’m also not saying I shouldn’t spend time on anything besides God. But because those other things are important, it is easy for them to take over my time and encroach on that time I should be spending with God.
That summarizes why it has been months since I last posted. I’m still struggling and fighting to move forward in my spiritual life, as I’m sure some of you are as well. This is why I started the blog in the first place. I’m not perfect, and my walk with God is not a perfect one.
At the same time, I know I have grown and progressed in the past year. Perhaps not as much as I would have hoped, but I’m certainly not the same person I was then, and my relationship with God is not in the same place it was then. I have learned a bit about myself, and one of my greatest obstacles is self-centeredness. I can trace many of my personal struggles back to this trait. When I look back on a low period, I usually find that I started focusing on myself, on my wants and desires, instead of focusing on others or on God. I was reminded of this during the sermon this past Sunday. In his series about happiness, Pastor Dave’s first point to Learn to be Happy was to shift the focus away from me. In today’s culture (and maybe it has always been this way), it’s so easy to focus on myself. That is what society encourages. “I deserve this. I work hard. I should be able to …” Sound familiar? I find those attitudes buried in my heart (sometimes not so buried), and when they win out, the spiritual and personal struggles are right behind.
The pursuit of happiness seems to often lead us to self-centeredness, and we inevitably look for that happiness in all the wrong places. Even Solomon, one of the wisest men ever, went through this struggle. The book of Ecclesiastes documents Solomon’s search for happiness. Ultimately, he concludes that without God, we cannot find true happiness. Part of that reason, I believe, is a lack of purpose. When I become self-centered and entitled, I abandon God’s purpose for my life. I turn my back on the greater purpose for which I was made, and my purpose becomes myself. Pastor Dave’s fourth point from this week’s sermon: Live for something that is worth dying for. Live for a purpose greater than myself. God brought me into this world for a purpose, and as long as I stray from that, unhappiness will follow.
It’s amazing, counter-intuitive, and certainly counter-cultural, but when I am unhappy, when I feel something is missing from my life, focusing on myself and trying to find ways to fill that happiness void will only make it worse. This is no sermon, by the way, because this is my daily struggle. I try to find happiness in all the wrong things when true happiness can only be found with God and His purpose.
My Spiritual Journey 